So am I the only one who remembers the book Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day? Because if you do you might have an idea of where my day is headed and how dumb I am (shocking I know). But honestly it's not just a case of the Monday's but really an extension of the weekend.
To give you a bit of back story this puppy, whom I love and absolutely adore, is killing me. I went to the vet begging for them to tell me this is almost over and she laughed and said girl buckle up for the next two years. And I know I'm being a bit dramatic, but honestly I don't know how I'll ever have a child because A PUPPY IS KICKING MY ASS. I don't sleep, not because she's not sleeping. Oh no... shes fine. I'm just stressing over anything that could go wrong, not things that are actually going wrong.
But now she's killing my wallet as well. When I say this dog is smart. I mean this dog is SMART AS HELL. She figures out everything and she's super strong. Here's the thing with the breed she is (an Italian greyhound) their legs are super fragile and they can break so it's my job to make sure while I'm at work that she can't get anywhere high so she doesn't jump down and hurt herself while I'm away. This has led me to making her area my kitchen so if she has an accident, it's fine and easy to clean. I even have an indoor potty grass area because I'm in a high rise apartment so when we can't make it outside in time (which she prefers) it's still not a mess. so the problem becomes keeping her in there and how smart she is....
So first I started with a kennel. Right I'm crate training and at night she LOVES it. no complaints goes in knows its bed time is super comfy everything is good. During the day? SHE IS THE DEVIL. But here's where her smartness kicks in and proves to me that a four month old puppy is smarter than me. She watched me open and close the gate a couple of times and now she totally understands how to let herself out. Like she knows to pull up slide over and then push out and can do it in about 20 seconds when she wants to. OK. So the kennel isn't going to work during the day, we need another plan.
Alright, I'll get a gate for the kitchen opening. No big deal. AFTER TWO DAYS SHE FIGURED OUT HOW TO CLIMB IT. She doesn't leap over it, she actually climbs it to the top and then just lazily flops her body over the edge and hits the ground, AND SHE DOESN'T EVEN CARE. It doesn't phase her she's just happy to be out. Also first time I saw it I thought I was gonna have a panic attack. OK that doesn't work, lets move on to the next plan.
I went out and had to buy another gate, one that she couldn't climb, just vertical bars. HOME GIRL IS SO SMALL SHE FITS THROUGH THE BARS. Took me over an hour to install and about 15 seconds for her to just walk through it.
That's fine. Totally fine, everything's fine. I'm good. I'm gonna cover it with cardboard so that she can't fit through the bars. Nope.....
Home girl found out how to slide the cardboard out and just walk out. SHE JUST WOVE THE CARDBOARD OUT WITHOUT EVEN DESTROYING IT. Honestly although it's very frustrating it is quite impressive that she's so smart.
OK, not gonna work I had to go to the hardware store and BUILD A FOUR AND A HALF FOOT DOOR for the opening just so she would stay in and not hurt herself. Now let me tell you, I wasn't anticipating spending this much money on gates in my life, but it's better than her hurting herself or destroying my furniture while I'm at work for a couple of hours.
That starts today, I get her into the kitchen and everything is going well, she's good, she's working on her puzzle toys and then she explodes. Total poop apocalypse.
She's looking at me with fear in her eyes and I can't do anything about it because I don't want to freak her out and regress when it comes to her potty training so I just sit on the floor and try not to cry. It's 4:30 in the morning. I'm tired. I know that I need to clean this up but I need coffee....
I stand up holding back my tears frustrated that we can't just have ONE easy day together and I realize that I've run out of coffee grounds. No coffee for me, just poop clean up. So lets get started. She gets cleaned up and placed back into her crate and I start scrubbing.
Everything is clean we're good to go and Life is good again. She gets her clean toys back and now I'm running later than I would like. I don't have time to stop and get coffee anywhere but thank God there's a light at the end of the tunnel and there's a vending machine in my apartment lobby filled with Red bull. I can survive this Monday!
So I'm a mess and I'm dragging and I'm in my apartment lobby and there are no Red bulls stocked, fine, whatever, my caffeine deprived brain still filled with the memories of poop is not picky at this point we could do an IV right now of pure caffeine. And I swipe my card and dial in which drink I want. The lever moves but doesn't grab the energy drink and stops moving again and resets. I tried this two more times. No results. Let me be clear, this means I just paid $7.50 and DIDN'T RECEIVE ANY CAFFEINE. NOT A SINGLE DROP.
So when I'm saying I'm having a hard case of the Mondays. I really, really, really mean it. And the best part? I have no idea of round two of the poop apocalypse is waiting for me when I get home today... If you believe in prayer, please pray for my sanity.