Ok, buckle up cause I'm about to get really open and honest. I need to be single because I don't know how to be single.
There I've said it. I don't know how to be alone and sometimes that's actually terrifying.
Here's the thing every time I break up with someone, I swear to God, I unintentionally fall into another relationship. It's not a feeling in my head like "oh spit I'm single- find a partner GO GO GO GO GO"
It's more like oh I'm not attached lets flirt and make out. And for some reason I must be a good kisser because it usually just kinda works itself out.
But I recently just had a break down- which I know is shocking.
And during that break down I realized that I'm always in a relationship and I hate people that are always in a relationship. I even roll my eyes when they announce a week after they've broken up with someone that now they've found the one. This guy is even BETTER than the last guy, I swear!
But here's where the issue comes in: I genuinely don't know how to be alone. I've always been in relationships or lived with other people. Now I'm currently debating whether or not I should be moving into my own place (more on that in a later blog and my maybe plans) and I'm thinking, so what do I do when I get home from work? How do I have social interactions? Who do I go shopping with? And the answer I think about it well dip spit, you have to learn how to do it by yourself.
Now this might seem so dramatic and you're probably rolling your eyes at me. I don't blame you! If I was reading this about someone else I would be thinking "you whiny bitch get your crap together, you're an adult".
But think about this- I've ALWAYS had someone to do everything with at all times. That's 25 years of having someone to be with at all times. I'm sorry did you miss that? 25 years!!!
To be fair when I think about it, I think what I'm most worried about it feeling alone. How sad is that? I spend most of my life making sure other people never feel that when and when the tables are turned that's my biggest fear.
So here's where you come in- I'm new to this I have no idea what I'm doing at all. I'm quickly realizng I really thought I had it together. And I don't. Not even a little bit. So I'm asking for your help. Please leave me your advice in the comments below and call me out if I'm too over the top. How did you handle learning how to live alone, because I'm kinda freaking out here!
Because honestly I have to learn that I'm the bomb by myself- which is way harder than I expected.